Hello my friends, it's been a while. The last you heard from me, I'd left Marilyn and George shaking warm hands on the cold sand of a Bahamian beach. I haven't forgotten about them. In fact, I have wonderful plans for the rest of their story.
In the meantime, I'd like to share a little story of my own...
Two weeks after my last post, my 91-year-old mother was admitted to the hospital. The next six weeks were heartbreaking as we watched her overcome one challenge, just to face another. Towards the end of August, she was sent to rehab to regain her strength, but instead she got worse, went back to the hospital and eventually was put in Hospice care. She passed on a warm, but cloudy, September afternoon.
I am struggling with what to say next. Do I talk about how surreal it was to read the notes on her chart (communications between nursing staff from one shift to the next) replete with phrases like "failure to thrive" and "actively dying"? Do I praise the angels who work for the Hospice program at Middlesex Hospital, whose level of compassion far exceeds that of anyone I've ever known?
Do I mention a recurring nightmare I had as a child where my family and I were walking in a desert and the earth split open, leaving me on one side of the ravine and my parents, brother and sister on the other? This haunting image now made manifest by the fact that my family members are all gone -- my sister in 2015, father in 2019, brother in 2021 and now my mother in 2023 -- the last three lost in the span of only four years.
Or should I not mention any of that, and instead tell you that after she passed, I came down with a respiratory illness that lasted three weeks; spent the bulk of October clearing my childhood memories (and those of my brother and sister) from her apartment; became ill from a tick bite that turned into a diagnosis of Alpha-GAL syndrome (and a new, life-long allergy to beef, pork and lamb); and then got COVID?
It's a LOT, I know. But the funny thing is, though this is what happened, it is not the story I tell myself. My story includes the fact that my mom would have been 92 on October 9th -- she had a really long life and was loved by many, many people. Up until this year, she had been relatively healthy her whole life. (We should all be so lucky.) And, knowing that my brother and sister were on the other side to welcome her brought me so much peace.
My story also includes unconditional love that showed up in the form of people. Two of my cousins came through for me in ways that were completely unexpected, but incredibly thoughtful and kind. In fact, my entire family and close friends rallied around me in support. As well, the compassion shown by the medical staff frequently filled my heart to the point of tears. (The kindness of strangers never fails to make me cry.)
And while my respiratory illness was annoying, it was not serious. The gift it gave me was that it slowed me down so I could take time to grieve before jumping into the daunting task of clearing Mom's apartment.
As far as the Alpha-GAL diagnosis goes... though the meat allergy is inconvenient, and the necessity of carrying an Epi-pen freaked me out at first, I had been wanting to eat a more Mediterranean diet ever since I watched Dan Buettner's Netflix special on the Blue Zones, and now I will!
And finally, to end on a positive note: This year I have participated in several NYC Midnight (nycmidnight.com) writing challenges. They host a bunch of different challenges -- from micro-fiction to playwriting -- that rotate throughout the year. Super fun! In most cases, you're given only 48 hours to write a story based on random prompts assigned at midnight. I'll post a few of them on the blog along with more of an explanation. Check them out if you're interested. Oh, and let me know if you sign up for one. I'm doing the short story challenge that starts in January.
Okay my friends, that's all for now. Thanks for indulging me. I hope your 2023 went more smoothly than mine, and that 2024 brings beautiful moments for all of us. Happy New Year!
xo
Bets
p.s. Here is a photo of our three dogs (Rosie, Kipper and Winston) with Christmas tree #1 (we ended up having to buy two this year, but that's a story for another day). Enjoy!
